The title tells you what is powering me as I write out this post. The coffee seems healthy enough, depending on who you ask. The donuts not so much but donuts with cinnamon on them is good and cinnamon is one of the many ingredients that make up these snack size! cinnamon donuts so there is at least a hint of authenticity.
Why the exclamation point on the package after snack size? Who knows! They are pretty exciting for a donut, I guess.
I get so tired in the mornings. I thought it was the happy pills so I swapped them around since I’ve been taking the bigger dose in the morning and the smaller dose at night. That does not seem to help so I think it is the blood pressure medicine giving me the morning draggies even with coffee and donuts.
Also, I’m not sure how much coffee and how many snack size! donuts I should be consuming while being on blood pressure medicine. Coffee and snack size! donuts might be the reason I am having to take that medicine. I look at it as a partnership. Coffee+happy pills+snack size! donuts+blood pressure medicine=me.
Another weekend has flown by and I’m starting to realize that I write here more at the kitchen table than anywhere else. I’m not sure why I always end up at this same spot. I could use the laptop while sitting on the couch but that doesn’t feel formal enough. I could sit out on the deck but the mosquitos have been extra nasty lately. I could be back in the bed but would probably put myself to sleep trying to think of something to share.
And what do I have to share? Not a great deal although it was another action-packed weekend doing all sorts of stuff with little down time. It’s 9:06PM as I write this. I guess I could have written something earlier today but I could have started clothes in the washer earlier today and I didn’t do that either. I left that for Monday Jason. Screw that guy.
Here’s the first picture from the WordPress free photo set that pops up for the word Sunday:
This morning on the podcast, I was talking about how fast the month has gone by and then here it is another late afternoon and I’m back at the kitchen table just like that. POW! Right here! What did I accomplish today? Not a great deal aside from getting the flu shot and getting gas in the Spark. Aside from that, it’s not been much of a day.
I’m all caught up at work but I’ve done nothing with the time that frees up for me, just mindless iPad surfing, app to app, refresh the Tweets, look for funny things to share on Tik Tok. Hours can be lost pointlessly roaming around in cyberspace each week.
That’s why I had to slam on the brakes a bit ago and get away from the iPad and get back to the kitchen where it’s brighter and there are other things to do aside from letting myself slip into the near slumber of distraction.
I have to stay on track but I don’t because it’s too easy to slip back into doing nothing.
It’s too easy to let the internet do the work for me and live vicariously through what everyone else is doing or what everyone else wants us to think they are doing.
I don’t want to waste tons of time each week but I also don’t want to overdo it which I have done in the past. My mind can go nuts with ideas of what to create and if not something new, how to tweak something old and it would be far more productive to sit out in the sunshine with my eyes closed for 15 minutes if there was truly nothing to do for a bit.
Just not fooling with the theme on this site you are looking at right now over the last month (that’s right – this site is one month old today!) has been a major accomplishment. It’s one of those things I would have obsessed over in the past just so I can block myself from doing anything productive here.
Self-sabotage, anyone? I’m sure I’ve got some stored up around here somewhere. I’m trying to no longer partake of it myself. Trying trying trying.
Do you remember in The Big Chill when Nick interviews himself in front of the VHS camcorder? That was pretty nifty and expensive tech back in ’83.
Parts of this scene stick with me, especially “What have you evolved into now?” The creator inside me asks this question a lot. I’ve felt like I’ve been on a roller coaster since I started podcasting in 2013, gaining momentum, losing momentum, seeking answers in books or who knows what to get back going again, only to get back going again and have the cycle repeat.
(Honestly, when I went back and read through this again, I realize I’d been on the roller coaster a lot longer than that – maybe since, I don’t know, 1986 or so?)
For the last few months, though, something has seemed different. I can’t quite put my finger on it but I have this odd new attitude about things that seems to have taken me off the roller coaster. It might have started with the Harlan Ellison interviews I watched and podcast I put together back in July: “It’s a very simple philosophy. Anybody who can be deterred from writing should have been. People who want to write really want to write and they WILL write.” – Harlan Ellison
I see changes around me in many ways. One way is in the form of empty space thanks to a lack of clutter and a lack of items that had no practical use yet always seemed to surround me. Some people eat their feelings. I spent years buying mine and I’ve slowly reversed that way of thinking over the last couple of years. I’ve eBay’d a few things but also have given car loads to the local help center and made multiple trips to the dump.
Maybe it’s also a question of priorities. I see the clock ticking down and I understand the importance of making memories versus wasting time being preoccupied with stuff and what people are saying on social media, etc. etc. My biggest hang up creatively was feeling like I was being a burden on people. Read my blog! Read my tweets! Like my Instagram pictures! Listen to my podcast! I always felt guilty about contributing to the noise when I was having a hard time dealing with all the noise myself.
My attitude lately is that I am going to create what I want to create when I want to create it and I’m going to throw it out there and if people want to read or listen or whatever, they will and if they don’t, they won’t.
I have to leave it up to you to decide your own priorities but I must create. Creating keeps me going in a positive direction and I’m creating for me and if you enjoy it or relate to it or get inspired to create your own stuff, that is wonderful but it all comes down to the fact that I have to do this for me, in 2018, 2019 and beyond.
Back to evolving – I don’t know how this site will evolve in 2019. I will post this and the robot will tweet it and somewhere between 4 and 100 people may read it or at least just flash it on their screen and then close it immediately. Who knows. Those numbers are really down from the early days of blogging, by the way, but that’s not the reason I write, right?
Until next time, Jason (Your friend in Cyberspace)
From The Big Chill (1983):
So you came back from Vietnam – a changed man. Well, why don’t you just tell everybody? Then, in 1972… …you returned to the University of Michigan to enter the doctoral program in psychology. But you couldn’t seem to finish that dissertation. I could have. I chose not to. I’m not hung up on this completion thing. Then you had many jobs, all of which you quit. What are you getting at? I was evolving. I’m still evolving. But your real fame came as a radio psychologist on KSFO in San Francisco. I wouldn’t call it fame exactly. I had a small deeply disturbed following. What are you doing now? Or I should say, what have you evolved into now? Oh, I’m in sales. What are you selling? I don’t have to answer that.
This would be the 8th season of COVID but most people didn’t pay attention as news of something weird going on leaked out of China during the winter of 2019-2020 so instead we celebrate the first day of Fall here as the first day of COVID Season 7 also. Exciting! COVID is so glad to still be occupying most of the hospital beds in America while our minds turn to Halloween candy and Thanksgiving turkey.
It’s a crisp start to the season here as the temperature is about fifteen cooler today than it has been and we will dip into the 40’s tonight for the first time in months. Brrrr? Nah.
For the past few years, I have been busy with marching band each summer and fall but this year I am not but the “slowdown” in time I expected has not materialized. The weeks seem to fly by even faster now because I have nothing to dread. Maybe dread slows time? I dreaded nights and days dealing with loading and unloading the truck and moving instruments and assembling props. Now I do a lot more sitting in front of the television and time is just flying by. Summer is over? It’s September 22nd? How did this happen?
Fall brings with it so many things. We can drink pumpkin drinks without shame. Potpourri suddenly smells good. Cracking open a window on a 50 degree morning is refreshing. There is a shift in what I want to create back toward words on a page (virtual, preferably) for some reason.
The clouds move across the sun creating all sorts of different light as the days get shorter and my mind goes back to the line Nora Ephron wrote about fall in You’ve Got Mail:
“Don’t you love New York in the fall? It makes me want to buy school supplies. I would send you a bouquet of newly sharpened pencils if I knew your name and address.”
I don’t have much of an update today aside from A) I’m feeling better than I have in several days and B) My COVID test from yesterday was negative so it appears I’m back to my ragweed-related season allergy funk. This is surprising to me since I thought the only illness left was COVID and everything was gone. Plus, I don’t remember having any allergy problems last fall but maybe I just assumed every sniffle was possible COVID and I just went to bed each time versus this year when I am out and about doing some stuff, not all the things, but some of the things.
Will we ever go back to 2019 normal? I may not.
In trying to get back to normal, community band starts back up tomorrow with masks and social distancing and a smaller group than last spring so we will see how all of that works out. It will be nice to be playing music again.
Here’s a WordPress stock photo that came up for the word normal and yep, that’s about right.:
We have a rainy few days ahead until Thursday when it will supposedly be dry. It’s like the rain and dreary days just came out of nowhere or maybe I’m not paying as much attention to the weather now that I don’t have to be out in it on Friday and Saturday nights.
I’ve also developed a bit of an annoying cough with plenty of drainage so I scheduled a rapid test for good ‘ol COVID over at the clinic this afternoon. Follow along on Twitter for the results! I love being swabbed! When they come in with the swab, I think I’ll drop my pants and bend over just to see what happens.
In chicken news, let me get up and see if they are out at the moment. Be right back.
Sorry that took so long. The chickens were not out but then I got distracted and cleaned off my side of the bathroom counter and dusted some items in the bedroom. I HATE dusting. Dust should be outlawed or universally accepted and left alone. Anything that allows me freedom from dusting.
Oh, no. The family is back from Walmart so now I will get sucked into bringing in groceries. Even possible COVID does not relieve me from grocery duty.
I don’t know why but the weekend seems to arrive faster now. Maybe it’s because I don’t have marching band activities on Friday and Saturday anymore so every day ends up being sort of the same and then the weekend comes and disrupts my sleep cycle and then, POW, it’s Monday again.
In news from Armpit, my Cuban neighbor is outside this morning building a chicken wire fence around his entire yard so he can have chickens wandering around. I don’t believe this is legal but what do I know. He also has patio furniture he built out of pallets, the old combo shower and bath he pulled from his house in his backyard now acting as a planter and a giant portable building he put between our two houses that seems to act as his own private workout gym and bar.
Other people in the neighborhood seem to be unhappy about all of this. They were all standing in their front yards last night watching him install fence posts as chickens followed him around. I am a weird person and I enjoy the unexpected so this is right down my alley so I won’t be complaining or gossiping with anyone about this. I will just sit back and watch.
But what about my property value, you might ask, and I say there is nothing this guy could do to lower my property value. My house is worth far more than I owe because the housing market here is insane. My neighbor could put in a missile silo and I would still double my money if I sold. But I have no need or urge to sell and I find that watching chickens is sort of peaceful.
In organization news, I have loaded the car with another round of donations for our local help center. These are items that fell in the “haven’t used them in 6 months so they can go” category so I am getting down to the essentials now. It’s refreshing to look in the attic or closets and see so much space and since I am not going to the help center until tomorrow, more items might go out the door today.
Finally, here is one of the free WordPress photos from the keyword search Chicken:
It’s Wednesday night and I’m stuffy (just allergy/sinus stuffy, not COVID end of days stuffy) and I am on the couch in the living room with the Chromebook and I have nothing to watch on television since I deleted my entire YouTube TV queue last night.
I also checked in the book I was reading which is or recently was a bestseller, People We Meet on Vacation. I don’t know why I try mainstream books but every once and a while (typically, each summer) I get curious and the result is always the same. I get about 30 percent into the book and surrender, checking it back in early for the next sufferer.
In all probability, the next person will like the book but it reminds me of Harlan Ellison talking to Tom Snyder about books (and television shows) written for the masses just to keep us all dumbed down because every popular work has to be accessible to everyone, lowest common denominator, etc. etc.
Does this make me a book/television snob? Probably.
I don’t watch much television but I am enjoying Only Murders in the Building on Hulu. In fact, that’s the only show I am watching regularly these days although I also am back into college football which is some quite enjoyable, non-thinking entertainment for me.
And, I went back into my library to read list and checked out The Fran Lebowitz Reader which I am really enjoying.
I guess that’s it. Another rainy Wednesday is in the books.